Fight the urge

"I will probably end up raping you, just so ya know ... "

I like crazy.

Not "hurt other people" crazy, just "not sure what this guy might do next" crazy. It seems to fall in line with the natural order of the universe.

Crazy reminds me about the important things: safety is an illusion, God is a dick, life has no ultimate meaning.

You know, the really important shit!

I think Klaus Kinski knew a secret that very few other people have ever figured out. I think he knew it and it slowly drove him mad. It was like a magnifying glass that could focus on the tiniest particle suspended in a deep freeze ... but the magnifying glass was also a mirror, a mirror into his own soul.

Sometimes I think I know the secret, too. But then I try to forget it, because I know that it can only be a delivery mechanism for something more profound. The same way a syringe delivers the heroin, and the syringe is a beautiful machine and the heroin is something else entirely. The heroin allows you to live on a different plane than the others, and it is at once terrible and terrific and terrifying.

I try to forget it. I try really hard.

I try to spend as little time in the mirror as possible. I shave using a mirror, but that's it. I turn my back to the mirror when I brush my teeth and when I floss. I had an experience with a mirror when I was 19 and then I decided that I was all set with the whole mirror business.

Unnecessary.

Crazy is something I can get on board with; it's a state-of-mind that seems to say, "Fuck being in a state-of-mind." So I like it.

Here's to never being predictable.

With a God like this, who needs enemies?

It was a week filled with revelations: the kind of revelations that leave you nauseous, unsteady, hopeless.

What in the fuck is up with you, God? Seriously. I just don't get it.

How could you?

How can you create this miracle and also allow the desecration of it? How can you bestow the enviable trait of innocence and steal it away in the same breath?

How can you allow such unmitigated evil to infect your children?

I'm simply at a loss. The fuckin' words don't exist in my head. I can't tow the company line on this one. "She's young and she'll get over it. People are resilient. Worse things have happened."

So ... fucking ... what.

Coping mechanisms aren't my strong suit. Besides, they only ultimately excuse the behavior in the first place.

It's been a constant struggle lately, God. The thing is, I know I believe in you. I know for a fact you exist.

I just think you're a giant asshole.

Vanity Corner: What's Alex Into This Week?

Book: The Stand by Steven King

Music: Monsters of Folk

TV: Dexter (but I'm only on season 3)

Movie: Children of Men (just got a Blu-Ray player and the transfer of this film is perfect)

These things are good. You would like them.

72 virgins in heaven = tiny penis on Earth

The recent attack at Fort Hood is looking like another example of a religious extremist using his or her beliefs to carry out an unfathomable act of violence against innocent people.

Notice I didn't say "Muslim extremist." That's because ALL extremists are huge dicks.

Now, there can be little doubt that ye olde Muslim extremists are really setting the bar high in terms of "batshit insanity" and "super villainy" and maybe even "minion of evil." And the whole virgin in heaven thing is just so pathetic as to almost seem pitiful.

But alas, it is not. Hey, Muslim extremist! You want some pussy? Put down the bomb and try striking up a conversation, ya miserable douchebag!

"Hi, I'm Abdul. I like burning effigies and enriched plutonium. Can I put my tiny penis into your body?"

On second thought ...

It's just another example of a weak-minded individual buying into the antiquated notion that they will achieve eternal glory if only they carry out an imagined Act of God (or Allah). As if a nobody on Earth would be anything more than a GIANT nobody in heaven!

If heaven exists (big if), do you know how many people there are up there? Jesus Christ! Fun exercise: type "how many people are in heaven" into your favorite search engine and let the hilarity ensue! People actually try to answer!

Oh, people.